Beginning of the end.

Dear Leslie,

At last, I am talking to you. Leslie life has really confused me and I seem to go nowhere. Nothing seems to be in order and I am running out of time. How much I try to catch it; I am left far behind.

After I got sinus problem, I am not at all able to recover in my studies. I feel as if someone has dragged me down my staircase of success.

On one side when I was having sinus, what Somaan did with me, intensified my problem to the greatest heights.

I fear, but it is true that I expected her to be with me, after such long cease fire, but this expectation proved too heavy for me.

With continuous increase in my problems and lose of my last hope for things being right. I was totally broken up. Rather then recovering, t was totally confined to bed. My thirst to play basketball was killing me, day and night I used to dream only of basketball and I remember there were times I played Age of Empires hours together at night without sleeping and read Harry Potter for nights together.

But nothing helped.

I no longer felt like staying in the school, each and every small thing reminded of how weak I have become. How much I have lost and what I have made of myself.

I thought it will be better to change my school to prevent myself from this nostalgia, but it was a half- hearted attempt of mine, or may be I just wanted to tell Kamala Ma’am about how I am feeling and I wanted her to help me.

Principal Sir and my relationship were getting spoiled, my relationship with my class-mates was getting neglected and I was loosing my respect for self.

Whenever I used to sit for studies, I just used to feel “how will you recover the time you have lost Maverick.”

May be, it was the period when I wanted to finish all the portions to do good in boards but my illness spoiled my plans such that I went nowhere.

But I can not disagree with the fact that during this time I really wanted to talk to Somaan after a span of three months or I think when I realized that things can not be made right all wanted to regret all that I considered wrong as it was now or never.

After that I was too much disturbed about her for a week or two and then started forgetting her.

But you know there was one more thing that happened strangely during the time, around the time of Children’s Day. Principal Sir said a lot of things to me and I was really heart broken by it and more then that by the fact that I don’t have another opportunity to prove myself.

It was even the time I started hating Somaan and wanted to get rid of every thought of hers.

I told my mom about everything that happened between me and Principal, about my nostalgia and that I am not talking to Somaan for last four months.

She told me to go and talk to Somaan for the last time and that then she will talk my matter to Kamala ma'am.

I talked to Somaan and nothing turned right, only hatred for her intensified, but even then I hoped things would be fine.

Then my mom talked to Kamala ma’am and Principal Sir said a lot of nice things to me- that inspired me to do well.

Kamala ma’am called me and Somaan’s relationship as attraction and told me “it is not wrong to be attracted toward someone but beware that they are not taking you on a ride.” At that stage I was really shocked and I couldn’t realize that I was talking to a teacher. She was really more then that, and all that I could tell her was that there is no such thing between me and Somaan and we are just good friends and there is nothing, no misunderstanding between us.

Somewhere I liked Kamala ma’am say that. After that there were lots of people who told me a lot of things and inspired me to do well.

I remember one of my fathers friend telling me’ “The time that has gone can not be used, at least make use of the time that is available.”

This line was soul of my pre-boards and I was luckily able to do well in it.

But that is not the end of the story. After pre-boards I was sufficiently strong for never to see Somaan’s face again. Then one day I came to know that Loyola House has named its magazine L’ Avenir. I felt as if I am cheated, someone stole my poems .As Somaan was the only person who could do this. I thought may be she still has some friendship left for me and tried to make things right when whole of my life was coming back to normal.

But she was adamant to make things right. After that I just decided to pay her back double the pain that she has given me.

With my firm faith in god and knowing what I have to do, I released my “Book of Poems- L’ Avenir” along with those magazines on the Foundation day.

I just wanted to see her in tears and her ego burning her from inside.

When she came to know about the release, she was down to ground (not earth) and literally in tears and frankly speaking, with a crying heart I celebrated my victory over Somaan with Diva and Sortie who supported me in this task.

But there was a harder side to this success, most of my poems in L’ Avenir were about my friendship with Somaan and it really hurts…

After two days of drama and tears. I thought end this chapter and let Somaan get lost from my life forever. I even didn’t want to keep a relationship of pain or hatred with her.

That very day Somaan met with an accident. When I cam to know about it, I was deeply hurt.
I remember once Somaan told me that her horoscope says she is destined to meet with an accident in Senior Year.

And I remember it very well that I told myself- “If Somaan meets with an accident, it would be because I would have hurt her and that the conditions will be so bad that I even won’t be able to call her.” I wonder how such flash backs come from nowhere in mind.

This is what happened Surds was the only one who used to inform me about Somaan’s health, even worst I didn’t want to see Somaan’s face.

Then Raji forced me a lot to call her up but I literally killed all my feelings for Somaan and was sure not to call her.

Then on last day of Senior Year Raji and Surds forced me to talk to Somaan and what happened after that was a bit too much. Something that I was afraid of and I didn’t want to have happened.

More Later. Bye.