Why Leslie?

I always felt that I had missed something in childhood; I never knew what it was… After seeing Bridge to Terabithia I realize that I never had a friend with whom I could share the imaginary world I lived in. My thoughts on which whole class had unison tone calling me weird.

I paid a big price for it. I was never confident about myself; I fear how people would react, I could never get intimate with any of the people I met in my walk of life. I never shared my success at school. I got many poems and sketches selected for publications and competitions but never once did I mention it in school or to any of my friends.

I became a loner, I was there physically, but emotionally I was barred behind the curtain reality. I had dual personality, ‘me’ at home and ‘what people wanted me to be’ at school.

I compromised with myself. I became popular at high-school (Head Boy, Captain of the Basketball Team, Anchor for school functions), but somewhere deep down I knew that it was not me. I was liked for the things that I never cared much for, and people who thought to be friends, knew nothing about me. You cannot show your sorrow, you cannot share your pain, because this is not what they think you are.

It was strange and I was astonished to see how weird the world was. For the first time I realized that it was not me who was weird all this time, but the mirror in which society looks at people is
weird. I cheated my self to appear successful on the stage of reality, but I wonder how many were nailed for being themselves.

I always maintained a diary to share my thought and I always wondered how this imaginary friend of mine would look like, what relationship I will share with him? I portrayed him as Caption of a ship (submarine), one who explored deep in the seas, in a world were fragrance of reality is inexistent and it’s just you and Mother Nature; a place where you can be you. Guess what I was really looking for was not him, but her, a person like Leslie.

This gave rise to Letters to Leslie. My only link with the friend from unknown, who I know will understand me. My imagination finally got a name.

The sketch in my previous post is what I drew after a gap of eight years, out of respect and joy for Bridge to Terabithia.

And I still wonder today Am I what I am or What world thinks I am.

This is why I need to rediscover myself.